Shield Brother
Game of Dark Heresy

Found on /tg/ here. Went and found each part that went with the story. Not mine. Slightly long.

Best thing that ever happened was in a game of Dark Herasy.

Started on some planet, can’t even remember what it was called. Started with humans fighting orks, but we were sent there to investigate the possibility of cult activity. We didn’t find them in time, and they managed to use the deaths of all the orks and Guardsmen to fuel a blood ritual of Khorne.
We all went OH SHIT. and started getting as many civvies out as possible, guardsmen started to retreat too and an extermanatus was called in.

We ended up being one of the last groups off planet, doing shit like collapsing buildings and shit to slow the Chaos hordes advance.

Then, on the home streatch, roughly 120 yards away from our craft, KHARN THE FUCKING BETRAYER comes out of a side alley about 60 yards behind us.

misspelled ‘stretch’, continuing story.

The inquisitor leading the group was obviously about to dramatic last stand to let us escape.

My guy was a standerd Guardsman, and kind of Gimped so I beat him to the punch, GM made the best WTF face I’ve ever seen, and rolls with it.

So I whip out my melta and a gernade, launching one and shooting the other ran into a three story brick building yelling a challenge at Kharn.

He went ‘oh yay, one of the is brave enough to actually fight back’ and followed me.

Shooting away, I ran up a staircase, which collapsed underneath him and he sat there going WARP DAMMIT. I kept shooting at him, though all I was doing was superficial damage and he got PISSED that this lone guardsman had outsmarted him and kept shooting, so he knocked out all the buildings supports.

I managed to bail out the window, and took only a little damage, at this point some doohickey on the ship broke and the techpreist was trying to fix it, I looked over and went ‘why are you guys still fucking here!?!’

At this point Kharn came out of the rubble, saw that I was still alive and started to go into a berserker rage to end ALL berserker rages.

I looked at the GM…

Me: Well fuck.
GM: you have a moment before he charges, got anything you want to try?
Me: Like what? that was my last gernade, my melta broke jumping out the damn window and if he gets close enough that I can use my mono-knife I’m beyond fucked, to top it off, even if I managed to get to the ship before he catches me, they won’t have fucking thing fixed in time.
GM: Yeah, sucks to be you then.
Me: *sigh* describe my suroundings.
GM: Kharn’s roughly 20 feet away from you, and your ship’s about a hundred yards away. The ground around you is littered with bricks and broken glass, and…
Me: I throw a brick at him.
GM: Who?
Me: Kharn.
GM: Why?
Me: Why the fuck not? I’m dead anyway, might as well give him the finger before I go.
GM: ok roll for it.
(I hit him easily, he’s right there and is about 15 feet tall)
GM: Alright, roll damage.
Gm…. roll again.
Me…. ten
Gm…. roll again.
Gm: fucking seriously?

I basically rolled 20 something tens and an eight and one shotted Kharn with a brick.

The GM described it as me hitting some kind of exposed weak point in his armor, revealed by dropping a building on him.

I choose to believe I threw the Brick that damned Hard. Either way, my guy got some awesome rewards, that brick became a super holy Demon slayer and I now carry it around in a hip holster.

Fucking best part was when we went back to Terra for some reason, some bigwigs were all: ‘Show us the weapon that Killed Kharn, noble warrior of the Imperium.’ Then, with no ceremony at all, I handed them the brick.

They though I was mocking them and tried to have me executed, until my COs stepped in and went ‘no, no… it’s really the brick’.

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  9. myinnerfrankcastle reblogged this from frothshield and added:
    This is why I miss playing these games.
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  12. jofenon said: im glad i read this, normally i dont read things this long. very much enjoyed
  13. warwithprimates reblogged this from frothshield and added:
    you don’t need to know game-speak to know this is awesome.
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  20. guardianphoenix reblogged this from frothshield and added:
    Totally worth a read. This was hillarious